Hi it’s me Charlotte.
I’m listening to Lana Del Rey in the darkness of my living room with only the light of my TV, the kitchen stove light (and some other lights, actually) to keep me warm. Once a week or so I listen to “This is Lana Del Rey” on Spotify and marvel at how she can make the basic things that I love so much so poetic.
“Grenadine quarantine, I like you a lot
It's LA, ‘Hey’ on Zoom, Target parking lot
And if this is the end, I want a boyfriend
Someone to eat ice cream with, and watch television
Or walk home from the mall with
'Cause what I really meant is when I'm being honest
I'm tired of this shit” -Black Bathing Suit by Lana
She just wants someone to watch television and walk home from the mall with. Don’t we all!!!
I’ve been doing many basic things, as per usual, just like my girl Lana. Playing Wordle, buying tank tops, making Instagram recipes, participating in nail art culture, and absolutely TOILING over the loss of my neighborhood Starbucks. My neighborhood Starbucks is (was…) a very special place where everyone knows (knew…) my name. It’s exactly 2,000 steps round trip from my apartment, a great way to start the day and venture outside without too much hassle. Some have scoffed at my pain and suggested I try going to a “local” “coffee” “shop,” but they do not know the years of stars and rewards I’ve accumulated on the app, and of course, the rush of serotonin I feel upon entering any Starbucks anywhere in the world. I’m exploring other options. There is a Starbucks .5 miles away but you have to wait at a very long crosswalk intersection. The other one is .7 miles away and a lovely walk, but I don’t have all day!!
Enough about me. I watched and read so many good things this month and BRI MCBRIDE is back with her fan-favorite movie reviews.
TV
Yellow Jackets (Showtime)- My favorite genre is of course edgy teen melodrama (Veronica Mars is my favorite show, Megan Abbot is one of my favorite authors) and Melanie Lynsky is my favorite genre of person (soft-spoken but don’t cross her, pretty but also approachable and normal looking). This was an A+ show that I haven’t stopped thinking about. I stayed away from it initially because I thought it was more sci-fi/supernatural. turns out it’s just your classic psychological thriller with teenage cannibals. The young actors played their iconic older counterparts perfectly- almost eerily. If you have any theories about that alter reveal at the end, plz email me. I’ve already scoured the Yellow Jackets reddit for all theories.
How I Met Your Father (Hulu) - I continue to love this. Hillary Duff dates Josh Peck! So nostalgic and fun. And Chris Lowell (of Veronica Mars fame) and his cute lisp are thriving.
Single Drunk Female (Freeform) - Newly sober girl trying to figure out her shambeled life in Boston. There’s a simmering love story and she wears very cute attainable outfits. But beware, the woman who played the scary yin yang serial killer on Psych plays the mom and it’s a little unnerving.
Ozark (Netflix)- I’ve seen one episode of the new season and dare I say, it’s a little much?? A little too dark for me at the moment but I will return.
Afterparty (Apple TV+) - Lots of hot/ trendy comedy people at once. My man Stath from Stath Let’s Flats is in it with a fresh almost-American accent. It took me a second to warm up to this one because I didn’t understand the tone, but I’m now in the swing of it and enjoying. Ben Schwartz is very funny and he has a musical episode (anti-musical people like my best friend C should stay away).
Woman In The House Across The Street From The Woman In The Window (Netflix)- Starring Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars is everywhere I tell ya). This kind of satire is hard to do because so many crime thrillers are so over the top and cheesy that we have become accustomed to the cadence. WITHATSFTWITW did well at making fun of all the things that happen in the books I read (I mostly only read books that have “The Girl with the Sister” or something as a title). The only problem is that the main character had a very depressing/dark back story that takes you out of the comedy. My friend John is in an episode which makes me famous by association.
Suspicion (Apple TV+)- A British thriller!!! It’s very Harlen Coben-esque with the glossy/ metropolitan London lifestyle and nice peacoats. Four Brits are falsly accused of kidnapping the American diplomat’s son… oohh!
Murderville (Netflix) - Will Arnett, who plays a mustachioed detective + celeb guest solve crimes and it’s mostly improvised. It sounds weird but it’s SO GOOD. The celeb guests always break character and start laughing because Will is so funny. It’s like playing a board game with your friends but you don’t have to sit on the floor and get a knee cramp and you don’t need to have friends.
Reacher (Amazon Prime) - This Jack the Reacher series was made for Yellowstone audiences- down home boy/ veteran gets falsly accused of murder in a small town in GA and has to help the local police force. Jack is 6’3 (two inches taller than me lol) and described as a GIANT. I know 6’3 is tall and I might be biased but no need to call him a giant?? I feel like 6’7 or 8 is more appropriate giant categorization.
Unscripted
Vanderpump Rules (Bravo)- I had eschewed VPR for a while because it was a little too close to home (I literally lived half a mile from where the show takes place) and when I tuned in, Katie was just knitting on her coach with a folded up k95 mask next to her. too real too real!! However, I tuned into the reunion and was blown away. Raquel announces her split from DJ James Kennedy on the reunion- she is measured and mature and has come so far from her shaky voice puffy sleeve days. I’m so proud of her! She’s going to school to be a pediatric something!
Bachelor (ABC) - The contestants are hilarious and I’m actually watching the entire episode, not just listening to podcast recaps.
Summer House (Bravo)- Continues to be the Veronica Mars of reality TV. Lindsay asks Amanda when she’s going change out of her PJ’s, Craig calls Lindsay lame and exposes her relationship with Austen, Paige finds out that a love triangle isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, Ciara is a pick me girl, unfortunately.
Real Housewives of Miami (Peacock)- Adriana calls 911 for her hungover friend/crush Julia. I love the drama of calling 911 for a hangover. Guerdy is becoming one of my favorites- she swooped in and saved the day for Larsa’s jewelry party.
Real Housewives of OC (Bravo)- Noella was born to be on TV. Shannon’s schtick feels so familiar to me now that it’s comforting. I don’t miss Tamra and Vicky. Emily and Gina continue to be the most normal, relatable characters on Bravo.
Bri’s movie corner:
The Woman in the Window (2021) -If Alfred Hitchock ever saw this, he would probably shut down Netflix permanently for releasing it. The Woman in the Window is a pathetic knock-off on Hitchock’s Rear Window. The film stars Amy Adams, as her character spies on the next-door neighbors while drinking and popping pills. The unreliable narrator has been done in media so many times, that the movie just feels like an outdated unoriginal repeat. I felt like I was watching the same scene over and over and probably dozed off five times. Amy Adams is a seasoned queen. Why would they do her like this? Grade: D
The Social Network (2010) -I love the Facebook movie because I love Andrew Garfield’s face and the nostalgia I felt throughout my watch. I got a Facebook in the 8th grade and ditched my instant messenger account immediately. It was very engaging to see the website's origin story explained in a non-linear way. Jesse Eisenberg’s Mark Zuckerberg is so unlikeable that I kept reminding myself that Jesse was just acting. The Social Network has a 2-hour runtime, but I wanted more. Grade: A
[REC] (2007) -Something you need to know about me is that I love found-footage horror movies that are under 90 minutes. They are hidden gems in our society. That being said, [REC] is easily in my top 20. This 84-minute masterpiece follows a reporter and a cameraman documenting their time with a fire department at night. The first call that the firefighters receive is that somebody is trapped in their apartment. Once the firefighters and the reporter team enter the apartment, the movie takes off in full force. During the final scene, I was audibly gasping for air so loudly that my dog left his bed to comfort me. Grade: A
28 Days Later (2022) -Who knew a zombie apocalypse could look this fun! After waking up alone in a hospital bed, Jim, played by Cillian Murphy, wanders around a deserted London to soon find out that a zombie takeover is underway. This film works because it is well-paced and well-contained. The film never shows thousands of zombies and humans running around but instead focuses on the small cast of protagonists. The film allows you to get acquainted and care about the protagonists without distractions. If a zombie apocalypse happens within my lifetime, I will most likely use this film as a guide. Grade: A
Ok I’m back (this is Charlotte). Here are the books!
The Maid by Nita Prose - Eleanor Olephant meets Monk- takes place in the same New York as Only Murders In The Building. Set in modern day but something feels so New Yorky nostalgic. My only critique is that the conflict gets resolved pretty early on, so the end is just coasting on happy friendships, which is nice! Just not my usual. 4/5.
Reckless Girls by Rachel Hawkins - Desert island! Secrets! hot people! I of course loved this book, but it unravels toward the end- like the author didn’t know what to do with all of her momentum and ended things abruptly. 4/5.
Just One Look by Lindsay Cameron- Discraced lawyer starts stalking another lawyer just to find out that he’s stalking her!! I barely remember what happens because I read it in .5 seconds. 5/5 stars, I think!
Greenwich Park by Katherine Faulkner- All the critics (Instagram book girls) are raving about this one. I’m slightly disappointed because I can smell the twist coming from a mile away! But then again, it’s a British mystery. (I’ll give it a rating after I finish it) .
Ok bye!! I’m going back to listening to Lana and drinking licorice tea. TTYL!!