Hello! I have been reflecting on many things lately and have decided that in lieu of my usual introduction, I will grace you with a beautiful poem.
An Ode To Boob Log
A boob log is a log
that appears
as a result of a too-small sports bra.
There is no indent.
No definition.
But it does look like a pillsbury roll of dough.
Crack it against the counter and game over.
Bounce a quarter off of it and it will zing away
and ping a cell tower.
A boob log hurts self esteem,
but ultimately protects the heart from outside forces.
Like bow and arrows or flying pebbles.
Now I wear my boob log proudly.
It’s a (long and tubular) badge of honor.
Ok, I’m sorry you had to read that but I crack myself up, unfortunately.
The television landscape is a little different this month. Besides House of Usher (which I love) and reruns of The Mentalist, I’ve mostly been watching unscripted!
Fall of the House of Usher (Netflix)- I should not make decisions based on reviews (unless they are from my own newsletter hehe). I almost didn’t watch this show because of the mixed reception! It’s thrillin’ and chillin’ and HILARIOUS. What a freakin’ combo. Just don’t watch before you go to sleep because you’ll have nightmares. Last night I dreamt that there was a RATTLESNAKE stuck in my car with me while I was driving on the 10. Not ok. 5/5
Great British Bakeoff (Netflix) - This season (series as they say) is a little middle of the road, but still delightful as ever. Perhaps the contestants are playing it safe or are too self aware. In Rowan’s case, no self deprecation will make up for those pies he made. Gotta love him anyway. 3.5/5
Desperately Seeking Soulmate (Amazon) - A very heartbreaking series about lonely people joining an online group to try to find a soulmate. What they found instead was this weirdo couple who convinced some of them to come clean their house for free. 4/5
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (Bravo)- I love my Sutton (she and I are similar in many ways in terms of our emotions and delusions), but my heart is with Dorit this season!! She’s quippy and funny and real. Kyle really seems to despise Mauricio and I hope we get some crumbs about her relationship with Morgan Wade, since it’s clearly a relationship. 5/5
Winter House (Bravo)- I like the shake up happening (said in the tone of Michelle Obama’s “I like the beat”) with the addition of Below Deck members. Australian Katie and Tom Schwartz make a good match! Malia is not as bad as I thought she would be! Jordan and Danielle should not fight over that weird guy! 5/5
Real Housewives of New York (Bravo)- This season wasn’t amazing, but I keep reminding myself that they fired one of the housewives halfway through filming, so what they ended up with is only a partial season. Season 2 will be better! Brynn and Jessel should have been on TV years before this, I can’t believe they were just discovered. 3/5
Real Housewives of Miami (Peacock)- This combo of women and accents is unreal. I know she’s controversial, but Adriana is the funniest women on screen today. She’s so unserious and un self-aware. I can’t wait to see what happens with Marysol and Alexia’s friendship! Also, i just had a flashback to the early seasons back in 2013 or whenever it began. Remember Karent the dentist?? 5/5
Southern Charm (Bravo) - Madison’s delivery wasn’t great, but her I agree with the sentiment that there’s a double standard when it comes to Taylor! I’m not sure how or why Austen is still likable after all he’s done, but alas. 5/5
Here are some podcasts I’ve been loving:
Otherworld- the most recent series of episodes has SHAKEN ME and made me think about the universe and ghosts and the unexplained in a different way.
Wedding Scammer - The Ringer’s first investigative podcast is so well done! I wish I could binge all of the episodes instead of waiting weekly. The guy at the center of it is scammy McScamerson.
Shameless Podcast- They have a two part series on the downfall of the Call Her Daddy podcast. I love the drama.
In movie news, I watched Pain Hustlers twice (once in theaters with my mom, so much better in theaters). I highly recommend!! Pain Hustlers and House of Usher are about the people behind the opioid epidemic… seems like they’re “ushering” in a new content trend.
Ok, that’s it for today! TTFN!