Hoi, she said haughtily.
It’s a new year and a very new me. I have changed a lot!
I started meditating! I’ve mediated three times now. Turns out meditation is just a slideshow of everyone who has wronged me or embarrassing moments from high school and college. I assume that means it’s working and that I’m unearthing some hard truths (or something).
Started limiting myself to two exclamation points per correspondence (not easy). I’ve resorted to replacing the third exclamation point with a smiley face to soften the mood :).
Started using “poignant” to describe things (while squinting and tapping my chin of course).
Contemplated signing emails with xx, Char (still stewing on this one).
I even briefly experimented with fake nails. You see, French tips are back in style and I thought that maybe I could be a trendy French tips girl. I ordered a kit from Instagram and glued them on. After admiring my handiwork on the first hand, I was dismayed to see that my hands did not look like the Instagram girl. The results were horrifying. I had pointy French-tipped claws and I was concerned about removing my contacts later.
I had applied a lot of glue and it had glooped on the skin around my nails creating a cement around the claw, prohibiting me from popping them off and forgetting the whole thing had happened, so I had to trudge ahead. The second hand was trickier with my concrete gloves but in the end, I had two matching clawed hands. I sat on my couch squinting at them, trying to make them look ok. I held objects around my apartment delicately to see if I felt more like the Instagram girl. I did not.
Ultimately, I clipped the nails down and filed them to my regular length, so I just had plastic, clear, regular-length nails. Filing the plastic and glue resulted in an odd, skunk-like smell but I’m happy with the final, natural-looking results!
TV- this month has subcategories! Sophisticated!
British shows
Flack (Amazon Prime)- Americans in London who are so acclimated they say "take the piss" and “bollocks.” Gave me slight heartburn but was my fave show of the month.
"The only happiness in this world is the happiness you assume other people are having."
People Just Do Nothing (Netflix)- Roll on floor laughing level. Watch with subtitles though. Photo above!
Adult Materials (HBOMax)- Mini-series about a porn star in London - hilarious and poignant.
CB Strike (HBOMax)- based on the Robert Galbraith (aka JK Rowling) novels!! It’s exactly like the books so far.
Bridgerton (Netflix)- Too much going on! And weird bangs.
Procedural drama that I watch with my mom
The Mentalist (Amazon Prime)- My mom and I watched the entire series (7 seasons) together (we pressed play at the same time and texted. Highly recommend!) Rule of thumb— whoever has guest-starred on other shows is the killer.
Comedy (non-British)
East Bound and Down (HBO)- “How dare her?!”
Vice Principals (HBO) - Good but doesn’t hold a candle to Righteous Gemstones
Search Party (HBOMax) - Love all the people but not the plot. Fave quote was "so glad college is over and we can start the easier part of life."
Reality- just biding my time until Summer House premieres in 2 DAYS.
Bachelor- Very chaotic with new contestants and bullies.
RHSLC- Fun-ish. I enjoy Heather and her cousin Whitney, as well as Meredith’s speaking cadence.
Bling Empire- zzz
Movies
Promising Young Woman- oh my GOD! It’s not perfect but it’s perfect! I can’t believe they cast Piznarski from Veronica Mars, Schmidt from New Girl, and Seth Cohen from OC as the bad guys….
Thoroughbreds- CT boarding school girl thriller/comedy. How fun!
Kid Detective- Two Adam Brody movies in one month. How lucky am I?
The Little Things- hmm, close but no cigar as a detective might say.
Family Stone- Family drama, boyfriend switching, Dermot Mulroney, what’s not to love?
Me Before You- I watched this on a plane with no sound and the eyebrow movements were distracting and concerning.
Books
Luster- Protag describes her body type as “three gerbils stuffed into a skin suit."
Three Mrs. Wrights- I LOVE books where multiple women are married to the same man and they find out and exact revenge.
Cousins- Y/A waspy summer fun
Save the Cat- screenwriting book
Ok, thanks for reading! Share w/ friends! xx, Char
Sorry about the nails. Maybe February is the month for fake lashes. Falsie Feb. xx Al
I was desperately hoping for a photo of the nails.